Since the new age of Grindr, Tinder, and the websites of RSVP and E-Harmony, there are now endless possibilities to find that one person to complete you. It may be for the night, or for many years. But finding that elusive relationship isn’t easy, especially when there are so many vying for attention.
I have three friends who are currently on the dating treadmill. One is a gay 40 something male, and two are straight females who are both in their late 30’s. They have been going on more dates now than in their 20’s. The dates seem to be like job interviews, where they are asked about their five year plan, and whether children and marriage may seem a likely possibility. Then there are some men who really want a relationship, but they really just want sex. It is a jungle out there. Meeting someone for the first time can be a daunting task, and like a job interview, you have only a certain amount of minutes to say what you really want to say to get another date, and only if interested.
For my gay male friend who is trying to mind someone, it’s like a needle in a gaystack. Many think that finding a boyfriend would be easier. Well it is if you just want sex. But for something more, it’s often a difficult road a head full of rejection. Many are lucky to find a guy who has everything they want, but others have a harder road, where they date guys that shouldn’t be dating.
One time, another male friend, a health enthusiast, went out on a date with a guy from Brisbane, where my friend lived at the time. The guy he was dating was, according to his profile, a fitness freak who loved the great outdoors. They met up, and later realised that the guy was not exactly a fitness freak, but someone who had aged quite heavily since his profile was shot, and instead of exercise, he had a penchant for ice. He then understood the quick ageing of the photo, which was taken two years earlier. He left the restaurant and vowed to never date online again.
So with many people dating, and looking for that special someone, I wonder if many can save the heartache and find a good friend who they can extend the friendship and become – ‘friends with benefits’? For those who are busy in their lives, and want no major commitment, such as marriage and babies, then friends with benefits could work for them. It could be a perfect life, where one has their career, great friends, and one to three times a week, they see their special friend. In the US, ‘friends with benefits’ is trending, where more people are now forgoing a committed relationship.
However, sometimes the ‘friend with benefits’ relationship can fizzle if the other person finds someone else. Other issues are the expectation of sex, or if the person wants to pop over for a deep and meaningful, especially when one is too tired. Rules and boundaries are to be set for these reasons. However, since both people are less invested in making it a permanent situation (ie. an actual relationship), think of it as a place to be sexual – to increase fantasy fulfillment, as there is already some comfort level already. Then if the ‘friends with benefits’ thing falters, you can go back to being just ‘friends’.